More often than not we can get lost in the day to day struggles ( sometimes life mishaps that seem to drown us) and forget how blessed we truly are. I like to think of myself as a positive person. However my nerves, now turned in to anxiety, sometimes get the best of me. I get blocked. I feed thoughts of insecurity. I let my anxiety take over and my little sunshine starts to look grey. And being from the caribbean the only thing that should look somewhat grey is the sidewalk! I explained this to my sister and she told me, you are not sad. You are just distracted. You are distracted from what really matters, you are focusing and the small-little bad things and not on the bigger picture.
I began to wonder and I remember an advice a friend of mine gave me on one of my darkest hour. As doctors told me my mom, then 59 wouldn’t make it and we should say goodbye, I was praying desperately every second of every day. I asked my friends on Facebook to please pray for my mother, to please join me in my prayer. A friend of mine messaged me privately and told me: ” Diane, you are praying without faith.” I said: “What do you mean?! I am praying with all that I’ve got”. He said: “You already made that prayer, you already asked God to heal you mother. Have faith that he listened and he’s working on it. Instead of praying for the something over and over start expressing your gratitude towards God and the fact that he answered your prayer. Be thankful and have faith. After that day I told my father and instead of reuniting in front of the hospital to pray for her recovery, we began to thank God for her healing, for listening to us. Needless to say my mom and dad will come in May ( God-willing) to visit me in Spain.
So here’s the thing I decided to be grateful. I decided to, yes recognise I have developed anxiety and I am learning to manage it and take of myself and the baby and that even though that’s the reality that right I have SO MUCH TO BE THANKFUL FOR and also, it will not last for ever. There’s somehow a purpose to all of this.
Every morning after the baby is changed and fed and its time for breakfast I sit down and I begin my day with my little journal of gratitude. It doesn’t have to be fancy and its great even if you are not religious or spiritual because it helps you focus and the good things you have going on in your life. I bought a local magazine and it came with a free agenda, so I’ve turned it into my little journal of gratitude.
I use colours, stickers and anything I feel like at te moment. Anything that will make my little journal as special as I think it is. I write on it in the morning with my purpose for the day and then again at night to see how it all went. And of course I put down in paper what I’m grateful for.
In the meantime I also found a little book called “Everyday happy 365 Ways to a better you”. So I’ve incorporated that into my little morning routine.
I’ve learned to take each day at a time and truly understand that I cannot control everything and that’s okay. I’m doing the best I can to have a healthy-well taken care of baby boy. Most of all I’m learning not to be so hard on myself. I am nowhere near perfect and thats’s okay.
Ms Prym ❤