I got on a long plane ride not knowing what to expect. I remember having that awful feeling in my gut, that feeling you can’t really attribute to anything in particular but it just feels wrong. And you almost feel like you can’t breathe. You tell yourself to calm down “you don’t know anything yet” but you just know…
I got off the plane expecting to see her face, her beautiful smile staring at me with her eyes sparkling of joy. Always so happy to see me, always so proud of whatever she thought she accomplished by raising me. Always willing and wishful of being able to give me all her love, unconditionally and expecting nothing in return. If you have someone in your life that you love as much, then you know what I’m talking about. She wasn’t there. Her long time friend was there. She explained to me that she didn’t bring her because she had been feeling sicker than usual. On the ride to her house I don’t really remember what me and her friend talked about. I know she said something about ” the doctor thinks it’s cancer but the next appointment is with a specialist so we’ll know for sure.” She dropped it off so casually I thought there was still a chance of a different diagnosis. A little ray of hope. When I finally arrived at her house, I saw her.  There it was that beautiful smile staring at me shining more than ever. Only this time, for the first time I saw uncertainty in her eyes. Almost as if she was scared and she was happy that I was there to help her thru it.


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